Still I Will Praise You

I have $800 due for my Kenya trip tomorrow and I have pretty much none of it. I know this is a rough way to start out a blog post, but it's what's on my mind. I'm sure this is going to be a very vulnerable post, so bear with me.

I wasn't okay with this. I didn't know how to deal with it, because I have never been called to a trip God didn't provide for. I have always, always had God come through, and tonight, I don't really know if that is going to happen. It's hard. It makes me question God. It makes me question myself. It makes me question if I really heard from God calling me on this trip or not.

I'll be honest with you guys. I've been ignoring God a lot this past week, for a few reasons. One of the main reasons was because I didn't know how to be okay with this whole money situation. I spent some time with God tonight, though, and He spoke a few things to me about this.

He brought me to the story in Daniel about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. If you've ever been in Sunday school, you know the story. They were about to get thrown into a fiery furnace for not bowing down to an idol and they responded in Daniel 3:17-18

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Those verses just blow my mind. I can't believe the amount of trust those three men had in God. They weren't facing $800. They were facing a life or death situation, and they chose to stare into those flames and say their trust was still in the Lord. I really love verse 18, where they say, "Even if He does not, we want you to know we will not serve your gods." That's so amazing to me. I want to have that kind of faith, that kind of trust. I want to be able to say, "Even if God doesn't provide this $800, I will still serve Him." And tonight, I will say that. I will trust God, regardless of what happens with this money.

God may provide in a miraculous way for me tonight. He may not. But whatever happens, I will still serve Him. I will still put all my trust and faith in Him. I will still follow Him. I will still love Him with all of my heart. Because He is my God, and in all things, He is faithful.

Thankful

Today, I am so thankful. I am so blessed. God has blessed me so much and I constantly stand amazed by Him.

It's a tradition in our family to go around the table and say what we're thankful for before we eat every Thanksgiving. Usually, I say things like family or friends, and don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for those things too, but today I had a new thing to say. I am thankful for North Central. I am thankful for these past couple of months. Looking back to who I was when I left this town, I am so incredibly different from that person. I have changed so much and God has been a huge part of that. He has taken me to North Central, blessed me with all my friends there, and changed me from the inside out. And for that, I am thankful.

I am thankful today for journeys. I am thankful for the hard times, for the times I sat in my bed staring at the celling wanting nothing but to turn around and quit. I am thankful for the times I've spent in the prayer room, begging God to give me some answers. I am thankful for chapel, for my professors, for praise gatherings, for the students at NCU. I am thankful for the people God placed in my life these past few months to help me grow even closer to Him. I am thankful for the Friday nights I've spent trying to find something to do with some of the best people I've ever met. I am thankful for the fact that every single night, I am amazed at how beautiful Minneapolis is. I am thankful for the horrible winter that's about to come, for the snowball fights and snow angels I have made and will continue to make. I am thankful for 4 North, the best floor ever. I am thankful for having two homes now. I am so thankful.

I think today of all the NCU students, spread across the country, spending Thanksgiving with our families. I miss everyone already and I am so blessed to be apart of such an incredible community.

Thank you, God.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Longing

Before I start off this post, I have a prayer request for all you guys out there. I just found out yesterday that in 15 days, I owe $800 for my Kenya mission trip this Spring Break. I'm trusting that God will provide and that He will prove Himself faithful, I just also need a lot of prayer. Pray that the money comes in and pray that I will be strong and have the faith that it will in fact come in.

Okay, moving on.

Today, I fasted. I was praying mainly about the Kenya trip and the funds that go along with it. Tonight, we had a Miller Hall LifeCore where all the girls from Miller Hall got together and did a service and just ran after God. It was a really great night, but I was so distracted by how hungry I was. I realized that I was focused more on the fact that I would be able to eat in a few hours than on the service. God really spoke something to my heart at that moment. What if I longed after God the way I longed after food? What if I realized that I need Him more than I need food? What if I hungered and thirsted after Him as passionately as I do for actual food and water? How, then, would He be able to move in my life?

I want to. I want to have such a hunger for God, others can see it in me. I want to be so passionate about seeking His face. I want to fall so deeply in love with Him. I want to long after His touch and His presence in my life. I want to get to that place of intimacy with Him, but I don't know how.

So I guess that brings me to a second prayer request for you guys. Please be praying that God will teach me how to hunger after Him, how to truly long for and seek after Him with all that I've got.

Thanks guys, you're the best! (:

You Make All Things New

A few small things came to an end today. Normally, these would be things that I wouldn't think twice about, but today, they caught my attention. I'm not sure why, but they got me thinking.

The first of these things was that I finished writing in the last page of my prayer journal during my time with God today. I know, it's only a journal, and to probably anybody but me, it doesn't mean anything. But to me, that journal contains my thoughts, fears, ambitions, dreams, tears, and cries to God. The first entry in that journal was made June 13th of this year. At that time, I was questioning the call God had placed on my life to come here to North Central, and now, as I wrote the few last sentences in this journal, I know with complete assurance that I am supposed to be here and this is my home. I have been through so much from the time I wrote the first word on those pages to today - when I wrote the last word. I have been on a crazy journey with God, and now, as I look at that journal - I know that He was there every step of the way. He was there, listening to my every prayer and thought. He never left my side, and He never will. He has brought me through what has been the craziest and hardest times of my life in these past few months, and I am thankful for that journal to be a reminder of what God has done in my life. I am thankful that I am not the same person I was when I started that journal.

On the last page of my journal, I wrote this:
"I'm on the last page, God. Thank you for this journal and the journey it represents. Bless the people that gave this to me. Lord, thank you that this is not the end of a journey, but only the beginning. I wish I could end at a better spot, but God you are still moving and working and I believe that you will do that in my life until the day I die.
Be with me always, Lord. Never leave my side. Burn a passion for you so bright in my heart. Give me your heart, your burden for your people.
I will never find the words to describe you. You are awesome, Lord. Thank you for being al that you are. Thank you for faith. Thank you that I do not understand you, but you are always faithful.
I love you God.
Your will be done, forever and ever, amen."

While I was writing those words, God showed me that His work will never be done in my life. He will never stop moving and drawing me closer to Him. He will always make new things in my life. And I don't know about you, but that just amazes me. It is so awesome to me that my God loves me enough to keep working in my life every single day until the day that I die. And because of this, I will chose to praise Him all of my days. I will chose to put Him first always, even on the off days, because God is still moving. And that is just incredible.

Another thing that came to an end today for me was the New Testament. I've been reading through it since I went on my trip to NYC this past summer, and today I finally read the last few chapters of Revelations. I thought it was pretty cool how two things that have to do with my personal life with God came to an end today. In those chapters, I found the verse Revelation 21:5, which says "I am making everything new!" It was really going along with what God was already speaking to me, so I thought it was great.

I love that God is making new things in my life, and that He will never stop bringing me closer to Him and creating me to be more like Him. I am so thankful for all that He has done in my life, for this journey I am on with Him, and that He will never stop. It's all really, really awesome. I serve an amazing God.

[Oh, and random side note: look up Revelation 21:3-4 sometime. Those verses are a really awesome reminder of what it's going to be like once we finally see Jesus.]

God bless you guys today. I hope you're all doing well and that through reading this (really long) post, God was able to at least speak something to your heart. You are all in my prayers and I hope that your journeys with God are going as well as mine is. Remember that He will never leave you and He is always looking to do new things in your life, you just have to let Him.

Peace to you all. (: