I always swore that I wouldn't date someone until I KNEW that they were the person I was going to marry. I didn't want to waste my time or my purity. This, it seems, was a pretty good concept. It was a good concept until I actually got a boyfriend. Three months after Zeke and I started dating, we took a week-long break and were extremely close to breaking up. Why? Because I didn't know if I was going to marry him or not. Now, it seems ridiculous that we almost broke up for that reason. Of course I didn't know if I was going to marry him. I barely even knew him! I had only spent three months with him. But, I felt, it was either make or break at that point. And, praise the Lord, He has taught me so much about dating since then. Looking back, I would have missed out on a truly amazing man of God that pushes me to be a better woman of God every day simply because I, like a normal human being, wasn't ready to commit to spending my life with him after only spending three months being his girlfriend. Now, almost two years after becoming his girlfriend, I know that I will marry him. But it's been two years, people. I didn't need to know at three months, I didn't need to know at one year. I just needed to keep God first every single day and let Him lead us.
When I was thirteen, my dad gave me a purity ring. I wore it every single day up until a few months ago. Growing up, my view of purity was always this: wait until you're married. That was it. Not "wait in the Lord" or "seek God first," nope. Just wait until you're married and then you get to have all the sex you want. While that is true, it should not have been my focus. My focus was not on the Lord, at all. I was remaining pure because of my love of my future husband, not because of my love of Christ, and come on people, can we say idolizing? From day one, my focus was always on guys first, Jesus second. And, friends, that has been a struggle every day of my life. Zeke is a wonderful man. He is not God. And all to often, I put Zeke before God, and I think that may have stemmed out of my original view of purity.
Another problem that stems from the only "wait until you're married" view of purity is what happens when you mess up? We all do, in some form or another. What happens when one aspect of our purity is no longer there for our future spouse, whether it was stolen from us or we gave it away? In my former view of purity, that just meant that it was gone. It was gone, and I was lost in a world of shame and condemnation, and I didn't mind giving it away again, because, hey, it's already gone, right? Also, what happens when we find our future spouse but aren't married yet? I always knew that putting guys before God was a struggle for me, but I was in for a whole new world of struggle when it came to maintaining my purity when I had found my lifelong mate. Why? Because "True Love Waits" told me to wait for my future husband. He's here.
I no longer wear my purity ring. To me, it symbolizes years of a skewed and broken view of purity. I now try to focus more on loving the Lord than loving my Zeke, waiting in Christ and devoting my life to Him instead of devoting my life to waiting for my future husband. And I make mistakes, oh do I make mistakes. But the wonderful thing about my God is that His grace is all-suffienct and always enough for me.
Ps. If you're interested, here's a great article that inspired this post. He's a much better writer than I am. :)
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