Rocky Beginnings

Wow, it has been a very long time since I have even thought about this blog, and oh my, a lot has changed since the last time I posted. I finished my first year at NCU, had one of the worst summers ever, and finally came back home. I'm now about a month or so into my sophomore year of college and have a lot of things to share with you guys. I'm a DL (discipleship leader) on my floor and loving every second of being able to pour into girls' lives, I've got a new boyfriend who is honestly the most amazing man I have ever met (besides my daddy, of course), and I'm just kind of living life as it goes. I'm insanely busy (I should probably be doing homework right now, actually) and learning how to manage school, being a DL, spending time with my boyfriend, Jesus, and friends off of the floor has been quite a difficult thing to do and is something I'm still learning. Keeping God first in the midst of all of this busy-ness is difficult sometimes and has been a struggle for me, but I'm learning.

When I came back here, I was so excited for this year. I had been counting down the days since I left last year (I'm serious - I had a count down app on my iPod). I could not wait to finally get back home and see all of my friends again and get back into the swing of things. Things here last year were amazing. I loved every second of being at this school. The beauty of the city left me breathless every night. I had the most incredible friends in the world and was just living it up so big. It was all new and exciting and I was finally independent. I remember just sitting in the car on the way to Applebee's (since we literally went there about twice a week) and thinking to myself "This is it. This is the best moment of my life." And I would think that multiple times a week. The people crammed into Austin's tiny car with me had become my second family and I could not imagine life without them.

Going back to the mitten state for summer was one of the hardest things for me to do. I hated this summer. Absolutely hated it. The only good things that came out of this summer were finally dating Zeke and finally getting out of Bedford when my family moved to Ann Arbor. Sure, getting to spend time with my family was great, but my heart ached to be in this city again.

So, I came back here expecting things to be just like last year. I came back expecting to run and scream and hug everyone and just jump back into the swing of things - going to Applebee's or having a dance party every night. I expected to be care-free and left breathless by this city. So far this year, life has been anything but care-free. It has been busy. It has been rough. I has been difficult. It has been trying and stretching and depressing. It has had good moments, yes, but over all, this year has been really hard on me.

I think that one of the main reasons this year is so hard is because I keep comparing it to last year and it's hard for me to accept that last year is over and that this year is not going to be exactly like last year. People that were a huge part of last year aren't here anymore and it's time to move on and make new friends. It's time to let go of what happened last year and make new memories. It's just hard. Because I'm busy now, because I have responsibilities now, because I don't have time to just have fun every moment of my life. I have to grow up and I have to do grown-up things, and sometimes doing grown-up things means letting God lead you through some rough stuff. About a week or so into being here this year, my boyfriend and I decided to take a break for a week and learn how to get God in the center of our relationship again. That was rough. God's shown me that I'm not going to know the future this year because He's going to teach me to trust Him more. That's rough. I'm busy. That's rough.

It has been a rocky start. There have been moments, days, weeks - where I've just wanted to go back to the mitten state. I've wanted to throw in the towel and take a year off. I've wanted to go back to Ann Arbor and spend time with my awesome family and not have to worry about what meeting I have to be at or what paper I have to write. I've wanted to give up. But I know, deep in my heart, that God has planned for me to do this. He has prepared it for me and set me in this year for a reason. I'm not here by mistake. I know I'm supposed to be here and I know that eventually, this year will be even better than last year. It just takes some time. I have to keep reminding myself of these things. I have to remind myself that I am a DL on the best floor ever and that God has placed these girls in my life for a reason. I have to remind myself that these girls are amazing and fun to be around and I always have a blast whenever I get to spend time with them. I have to remind myself that God has blessed me with a pretty stinking awesome boyfriend. I have to remind myself that my best friend is the hugest blessing in my life. I have to remind myself that God's got me and that even though things may be rough right now, they won't always be. I will get into the swing of things. I will learn how to manage my time. I will learn how to be a leader on this floor and to glorify God in everything I do.

I will be okay, and this year will be amazing. New memories will be made. Last year was great and that's awesome, but last year is over. It's time to live for this year, and this year will rock.