Valentine's Day

Forewarning: You will probably think I'm crazy after reading this. Also, it is going to be really long. Now you can't say I didn't warn you.

It's Valentine's Day. I can truly say I love this day. I used to hate it. I used to say that it was nothing but a Hallmark holiday, a chance for Americans to be even more selfish than we already are. I would watch couples giving each other chocolate and flowers and hate everything. I was probably the number one hater of Valentine's Day. That was until last year, when I woke up and decided that I was done hating this holiday. I was done having a horrible attitude because all it did was make me have a horrible day and horrible days are a waste of time. I decided to suck it up, put on a smile (and a dress), and walk through the holiday. This was in part inspired by my personal hero, Jamie Tworkowski, who posted this blog. I'd encourage you to read it.

So, as this year came around, I once again decided it was going to love this day, and so far, it has been an incredible day filled with really great adventures. It all started off with waking up early and putting on my cutest outfit (special thanks and shout out to Phoenicia for the tights and shoes), and since then has been filled with laughs and friendship and joy. I've loved every second of this day and look forward to what else is in store for the night.

Of course, with Valentine's Day comes thoughts of love, and I can't even tell you how perfectly this Valentine's Day has been timed in my life. God is just, wow. So cool. Let me tell you about what He's been doing in my life.

In January, I really felt like God was calling for my attention. I didn't really know what He wanted me to hear, but knew that it had something to do with totally focusing on Him. So, I devoted February solely to Him.

I'm not boy crazy. I'm not one of those girls that constantly talks about boys and I can't even really remember the last time I had a boyfriend. It's just never been me. But I am a girl. And being a girl means that you think about boys, and sometimes you think about boys more than you think about God. And I don't think you really realize how much you think about boys until you devote yourself to not doing so. February 1st, I told God that this month was going to be spent with my eyes on Him alone. Every time I even think about a guy, I decide to think of God instead. I have been taking my thoughts captive and submitting them to Christ. It's not easy. It's not fun. But it's oh so worth it.

The amount of things God has spoken to me in these past 14 days is just beyond words. He has been working in my life in such incredible ways. I am so blessed.

One of the things God has been speaking to me is that this may not just be a February thing. In fact, I know that it is not going to be just a February thing. It is probably going to be for a really long time, if not for forever. I know. I'm crazy. And don't get me wrong, I am not totally committing to this or turning into a nun. I am still working with God through this, but for this moment, I know that I am going to be single for the foreseeable future.

One of my biggest pet peeves is something that we have all heard. "God has someone planned for everyone." We have all been taught this. People act like it's scripture, like it's totally true. It's not true. It's nowhere near true. And we don't like to accept that. We don't like to accept the fact that being called to singleness is not the worst thing that could happen to you. We don't want to even think that is a possibility, because we equate singleness with loneliness, and nobody wants to walk this road alone. But we don't realize that we'll never be alone. Single or married - we are never alone. God is with us. And I fully believe that God will always be with me.

I haven't screwed up. I haven't done something wrong to get this calling that I believe God may be calling me to. It's not a curse. It's a blessing - a very beautiful, incredible, difficult blessing. I have complete trust in the fact that if God is, in fact, calling me to singleness for the rest of my life, it means He has something much better than a man planned for me. He has a plan for my life - that hasn't changed. He will always be with me, every step of the way. And I will never walk alone. I will hold tight to my Jesus, the lover of my soul. I will go through every Valentine's Day knowing that my Valentine gave His life for me and loves me in a way no human being ever could.

I'm happier than I ever have been, and I am learning what it's like to completely surrender to Christ every part of my life. I can't believe it took me 18 years to figure this out.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.