God is doing huge, and I really do mean huge, things in my life. The two main ones include going to a different country and sort of changing what I have planned for my life. For the first one, I'm applying to go to Kenya this Spring Break on a Ninedays trip. The second, well, I have this new dream. I want to open a home for teens recovering from the addiction of self-mutilation. It's a bit more intricate than that, but that's basically it.
I know these things may not seem very huge, but let me give you a little bit of background. My whole life, I've known I'm going to be a missionary. I'm called to go to the ends of the Earth and preach the Good News to anyone that will listen. I know that. I've always known that. I think it was in Junior High or something like that when God specifically told me it was going to be to China. So ever since then, I have been set in stone about the fact that I am going to China and teaching English and telling people about God. Well. God may have different plans. With the Kenya thing, one of the trips I could go on is to Asia. I thought that was the trip I was going to go on. It only made sense, right? Apparently not. I prayed about it and a lot of things happened to confirm (long stories) that I am, in fact, supposed to go to Kenya instead. With the opening a home for teens struggling with self-mutilation thing, well, that kind of goes against everything I have ever planned for my life, against everything I have known God has been calling me to. But now He's calling me to this. It's really confusing. Trust me, I know.
I don't know what God's doing right now. I don't know if I'm going to open a home in China or somewhere else or what. I don't know if this new calling means I'm not going to be a missionary (though I really hope and don't think it means that at all). I don't understand. I have no idea what's going on, but that is so beautiful. It is so beautiful because all of my life I have been the type of person that needs every little detail of my life planned out. I'm really crazy about it, and this new thing God is doing in my life - it terrifies me. It makes me feel like I've had it all wrong. But it also excites me. It makes me so excited, because each day is a new surprise now. It's so incredible to watch God move.
The main thing all of this is taking is faith - faith that He knows what He's doing, faith that I will somehow get the finances to go to Kenya (because Lord knows I have no idea where that money is coming from). I am needing to put a whole heck of a lot of faith in God, and that is what He has been teaching me. He has brought many, many Bible verses to me about faith (Hebrews 11 is my new life chapter for this season in my life) and today in church, the sermon was about faith. Coincidence? I think not.
So I'm on this new journey with God. This journey of pursuing my dreams and seeking after God with everything in me, this journey of putting faith in God because I know He will not let me down. It's terrifying. I hate it. But I also love it. It's so cool. God is so cool. I love this.
Pray for me, guys. I'm gonna need it.
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope fore and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1
"Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld." -2 Chronicles 20:20
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